Posted on September 11, 2009 - by sarahsamudre

Eight Years Ago Today

9/11 Memories:

Was looking through a photo album of 9/11 and began to cry again. Like I have, like we all have, every year for the last eight.

I was in bed that morning, and as odd as it sounds, I woke up feeling something was wrong. I went upstairs and turned on the TV, a sinking feeling in my chest. I don’t watch the news in the morning. I usually read. But that morning I felt I had to turn on the TV, and flip to CNN. As I turned on the TV, I remember thinking how strange I felt, breaking my routine, listening to a nagging feeling in my gut, wondering if there really was something wrong.

Something was incredibly wrong.

The first tower had been hit.

I sank to my knees in my living room, my hand held up to my mouth until it was between my teeth. I began to call my parents, my friends, and told people to turn on the news or radio. No one could believe what we were seeing. But then the second plane hit.

And both towers fell.

I stayed in front of television for hours. Until that evening. And I hated that I was in front of the television, when people were injured, scared out of their minds, and threatened in New York. It didn’t feel like it was enough to just watch and feel sympathy. It was a sickening feeling that took hold, as the hours went on and the news cycle began to repeat on itself.

I remember kids that night on the street corners waving flags and holding candles. I remember the wave of patriotism and grief that united us, even if the unification was brief. I remember feeling simultaneously bonded with everyone, and small and cut off as well. We all wondered what was next, we all felt grief, and everyone not in New York, DC or Pennsylvania, felt unsatisfied with just watching the news. We felt powerless if not there to pitch in. We volunteered, waved flags, and marched to war.

I remember today. I remember the brave men and women who died to save those who were dying. I remember that a nationally unifying wave of patriotism led us into a war that had nothing to do with today. I remember that a moment as great as 9/11 can feed our fear, make us frenzied and easy to manipulate. I don’t want to forget how people came together to help each other in the days that followed. I don’t want to forget the stories of those who died, who survived, who sacrificed. And I don’t want to forget what happened the next year. I don’t want to forget how the wrong type of patriotism can creep in so easily with the pure type of patriotism. I don’t want to forget.

Because we all know that if we forget history, we will repeat it. And while this day should never happen again, if similar circumstances ever befall our great nation, I hope we will have the same courage, the same devotion to each other, but remain calmer when it comes to doling out reactionary, misapplied retribution.

That is my September 11th remembrance.