Posted on March 10, 2009 - by sarahsamudre

Storm on the Horizon

My book is almost finished. I am almost 98% sure it’s going out to publishers this year, and I am 100% confident that when it does, it will be huge. There’s a little bit that’s left to be done, some extra revision, some peer edits, and one final plot point that I want to tweak- because I’m incredibly dissatisfied with this one aspect of one of my central characters.

Part of me is scared to finally finish it. There’s this massive feeling in my gut, the kind I get when I’m going up a huge incline on a rollercoaster, that something tremendously exciting/scary is about to happen, and that even though I know intellectually I’ll have fun and be glad I’m on the ride in 20 seconds, until then part of me is inwardly screaming to get off.

What leads me to ruminate about this in a post tonight is political in nature. Mainly because my book has a socio-political bent in it. I’m not worried about ITS acceptance, but rather my own. My book is somewhat critical of the Church and the fundamentalism that’s rampant in it today. It’s also critical of the way that generations tend to interact within the church, and how legalism plays a role in that. Of course, the plot is not about that stuff at all- but that stuff is the IDEOLOGY that steers my book. There’s actually hardly a mention of the Church in my book, other than a small role it plays in the mise-en-scence of small town America. But the critique is there, it’s the whole reason the book exists at all.

I know when it gets released that there will be a certain backlash to it from the Church. That saddens me to no end, because the only reason I’m writing the book is because I care about the Church. It makes me shudder to think of this anti-liberal message that gets circulated in the Church and how the Church overall lets a minority led by the likes of Rush Limbaugh highjack the majority and poison the message of the Gospel in the minds of unbelievers. Meanwhile, the atheist message that all religion is divisive and destructive gets more ammunition when pastors campaign for things like Prop 8 in services, not just in California, but around the country.

I talk about this because I care. I care about the Church, and all that the body of Christ is supposed to be. I care that it’s supposed to be healthy and it’s not. And that’s why I’m writing this book. Because the plot for the book was born out of an analogy I was drawing, a parable of my own that I decided to tell my mom one day while we were walking. As I finished telling her about this story, that symbolized the legalism and generational prejudice that the Church suffers from, I realized that the parable would make a great story. It’s not going to be preachy, but the message will be there. And there’s this deep sadness knowing that a lot of people in the Church will question my faith and my motives when its published.

I remember reading about JK Rowling’s faith, as the latter books were being published and a Christian faith was being revealed in the story’s subtext. She finally admitted to the fact that Christian ideas did influence parts of the series, and how hard it was for her to go through a decade of fellow believers burning her books and attributing such evil to her work. I felt so bad- I actually really got the spiritual message behind The Order of the Phoenix and its message relating to a believers struggle with faith and anger. It actually really helped me get through a hard time in my walk with God, if you can believe it. I felt incredibly sad reading how hard it was for her to go through the backlash that came against her and the books from the Church.

I know my book won’t meet with the level of hate that Rowling had to contend with, but I am getting prepared – more and more so all the time- for a negative response. I will just have to tell myself that its expected, and as long as people like the story for itself, I’m happy. And if the people who have left the Church because of hurt get the message of the book, then I’ll be ecstatic.

Just to be clear: I want the plot of the book to stand on its own without needing to go deeper into what the message is. I’d like it if people didn’t even necessarily notice the message- again, I don’t want it to be preachy. It’s such a fine line I have to write along, because I believe in the message at the same time. For reasons that should be obvious though, I don’t want the message to scare away someone who has no beliefs whatsoever. However, the message will be there, and some day I’ll get interviewed about it, maybe someone will even read this post about it, and read the book in a different light. I just need to be ready to take the bad with the good. I’ve already told the detailed plot of the book to a handful of people who have cried over it (in a good way). I know that it will be worthwhile if even a couple hundred people feel like I’ve connected with their hurt in a meaningful way, and even more worth it if people think its also a fantastic story. I’m gonna have to get used to the fact that some people won’t like the message and therefore won’t like the book, and some of those people will say critical things against me. I think about Rowling and, honestly, EVERY GOOD ARTIST going through the criticism while putting out great things into the world and tell myself to quit whining.

My book is almost finished and with every day I see another piece of news that tells me how urgent it is that, after 6 years of work, that it gets published this year or it will be passe. I need to buckle down and hold fast to the encouragement of the few people who support my efforts unflaggingly. Hopefully the book will get mailed out this year, and be in stores by the beginning of next year and then… big sigh… I’ll ride out whatever happens next.

Dunno who’s reading, but lemme know if you are.